I've been wanting to start a blog for quite some time now, but the time just never feels right. Whenever I get inspiration to write something, I'm away from my handy Macbook and whenever I'm here, staring blankly into the screen, all ideas effortlessly slip form my mind. But sometimes, things affect you in ways you wouldn't expect. I imagined my first blog to be written after some grand adventure that I had experienced or something; full of enlightenment and ready to share my thoughts with the world. Well, I'll tell you one thing: that wasn't today. Not even close.
Today was a pretty mediocre, albeit boring, day to begin with. I woke up at an incredibly disturbing hour (much to the dismay of my jet-lagged brain) and went off to school where I endured the studying of elasticity formulas on springs, expository essays, tongue twisters en francais, and stubborn computers in Yearbook. Not to mention that I've had a mysterious side cramp for two days that feels as if an invisible unicorn is boring it's horn into my spleen. I'm calling the doctor tomorrow if it continues. And then I went to track practice. I won't go into detail, but there was some running. It's usually awful, even without a mythical creature causing you pain. And then there was play practice. Busy and hectic, but it was easily the best part of my day. Then I came home. I'll summarize the events so as not to bore anyone. 2 college rejection letters (well "waitlisted", but we all know how that goes), one of which was from my top choice that I've been dreaming of attending for about a year now. I took a shower, probably cried, and then was surprisingly graceful as I started to get out, reached for my phone on the toilet back, and slipped into the shower water slush, dropping my phone into the water with me. I should just blame my lousy pipe system that refuses to drain my shower water.
And I do this thing, everyday, called my "Why Today is Awesome" journal. Inspired by the fiveawesomegirls and specifically, the suggestion of Wednesday girl, Kayley Hyde. And you know what one of the first things I thought of was after dropping my phone in the bathtub? "What the hell am I going to say for the awesome part of the day? Today sucked!" Isn't that comical? After all the crappy things that were thrown at me today, I was still too afraid to write down in my journal that today, in fact, was NOT awesome. And I started to wonder why. I think sometimes I, and perhaps other people too, are afraid to record the bad stuff of their lives. I refrain from writing bad memories down, so instead I can forget them. I delete bad pictures, bad facebook comments, and I've even ripped out old journal pages from middle school, thinking "I can't believe I was so ridiculous to write this-just because I was upset once." As if writing how I really FEEL is just too unrealistic to handle. Not that I'm condoning stupid actions either, because that's just well... stupid. And who knows. Maybe I'll look back on this blog post later and delete it because I sounded "stupid". Or "immature." Well, I hope I don't. Because life isn't always sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time. It's a (look out teachers- bad metaphor ahead!) seesaw that's never exhilarating unless you go up and down. That balance is what makes us truly human. Pushing out the bad stuff just keeps us from more we could learn about ourselves. And I don't want to only remember the parts of myself that I deemed acceptable to record at the time, and to save for my future self's eyes. I want to know every bit of who I was and who I am.
Today is awesome because I'm not afraid.
Today was a pretty mediocre, albeit boring, day to begin with. I woke up at an incredibly disturbing hour (much to the dismay of my jet-lagged brain) and went off to school where I endured the studying of elasticity formulas on springs, expository essays, tongue twisters en francais, and stubborn computers in Yearbook. Not to mention that I've had a mysterious side cramp for two days that feels as if an invisible unicorn is boring it's horn into my spleen. I'm calling the doctor tomorrow if it continues. And then I went to track practice. I won't go into detail, but there was some running. It's usually awful, even without a mythical creature causing you pain. And then there was play practice. Busy and hectic, but it was easily the best part of my day. Then I came home. I'll summarize the events so as not to bore anyone. 2 college rejection letters (well "waitlisted", but we all know how that goes), one of which was from my top choice that I've been dreaming of attending for about a year now. I took a shower, probably cried, and then was surprisingly graceful as I started to get out, reached for my phone on the toilet back, and slipped into the shower water slush, dropping my phone into the water with me. I should just blame my lousy pipe system that refuses to drain my shower water.
And I do this thing, everyday, called my "Why Today is Awesome" journal. Inspired by the fiveawesomegirls and specifically, the suggestion of Wednesday girl, Kayley Hyde. And you know what one of the first things I thought of was after dropping my phone in the bathtub? "What the hell am I going to say for the awesome part of the day? Today sucked!" Isn't that comical? After all the crappy things that were thrown at me today, I was still too afraid to write down in my journal that today, in fact, was NOT awesome. And I started to wonder why. I think sometimes I, and perhaps other people too, are afraid to record the bad stuff of their lives. I refrain from writing bad memories down, so instead I can forget them. I delete bad pictures, bad facebook comments, and I've even ripped out old journal pages from middle school, thinking "I can't believe I was so ridiculous to write this-just because I was upset once." As if writing how I really FEEL is just too unrealistic to handle. Not that I'm condoning stupid actions either, because that's just well... stupid. And who knows. Maybe I'll look back on this blog post later and delete it because I sounded "stupid". Or "immature." Well, I hope I don't. Because life isn't always sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time. It's a (look out teachers- bad metaphor ahead!) seesaw that's never exhilarating unless you go up and down. That balance is what makes us truly human. Pushing out the bad stuff just keeps us from more we could learn about ourselves. And I don't want to only remember the parts of myself that I deemed acceptable to record at the time, and to save for my future self's eyes. I want to know every bit of who I was and who I am.
Today is awesome because I'm not afraid.
